Family, Loss, and New Life

Spoiler alert: the baby and I are just fine. The loss I'm referring to is my grandfather, who left us last week. He had been struggling with his health for some time now and I had hoped he would still be around when the baby is born, but it didn't work out that way. Instead, I've spent the past few days with my extended family thinking a lot about the circle of life (and now you'll have that song stuck in your head, just because I mentioned it - you're welcome!)

My grandfather lived a long and full life. I know that's something people tend to say when a death occurs, and it's often not very comforting when you're grieving a loved one, but that doesn't make it any less true. I looked around at his memorial service and saw so many people - his wife, his children, his grandchildren, his great-grandchildren, his siblings and their children and grandchildren and so on - and I was incredibly grateful for the little one in my belly. I kind of backed into this whole motherhood thing and being at an event like this, which celebrates family and life, made me think more about how the choices we make when we are young have a ripple effect. I feel like I've been wearing my "next few months" glasses for a while now and the truth is that I have no idea what my life will be like long-term now that I've decided to reproduce. None of us do. I'm having a baby, sure. The next few years will be about diapers and playing with blocks and kissing boo-boos and the first day of school. But after that? Really, really far after that? I can't even begin to sketch out what shape our family will take. I can only hope that whenever I die, my loved ones will take as much comfort from each other as I have recently.

Oh, and remember that whole DVT/on an anticoagulant/told not to travel and especially not to fly thing? It made logistics for the memorial service pretty exciting. Let's just say that I spent some time recently appreciating our fair country from ground level and enjoying many regional specialties (barbecue!) and some not-so-regional specialties (McDonald's!) I forgot how much I enjoy traveling, even in less-than-ideal circumstances. In a weird way, it was a nice break from sitting at home in the same environment I've been stewing in for months, and although I would give anything for my grandfather to still be with us, I was grateful for the opportunity to hit the road. This kid better get ready to move!