Learning to be a Better Patient

So if you read my last post about moving, and the one before that about my big work event, you might have gathered that I've been pretty busy lately. And I have, but not busy enough that I couldn't fit in two OB appointments.

I didn't post about them immediately because, well, they were really boring. Neither appointment involved an ultrasound and although it's very reassuring to hear the baby's heartbeat (which was strong, sounded normal, and was ridiculously easy to find) the two things that I'm worrying about most can't be checked without a visual image. So I have no idea how the sub-chorionic hemorrhage is doing, or how the placenta previa is doing, and we're just going to assume for now that no news is good news. My belly continues to grow, slowly but perceptibly, and all of the things I'm feeling - round ligament pain, occasional breathlessness, the remnants of morning sickness - are apparently normal. Normal is just fine with me.

However, at my appointment last week, I was the last patient of the day and I had so much to do that evening that I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. My OB is a very kind person and has spent lots of time with me in the past going over my concerns, talking with me about the infertility/pregnancy research I've done, etc. I was expecting to have the same kind of thorough conversation at this visit, but it seems that she took her lead from me and instead we moved through my bullet-point list of questions in an extremely efficient manner. Lovenox levels slightly off? Check them again in a month. Cervical length? They'll take a look at the next ultrasound. Labor and delivery plan? Will not discuss at this point. On the one hand, I will admit to being faintly annoyed that we didn't spend more time going over this hugely important thing that's happening to me - OMG I'm pregnant but I'm also infertile and I have so many feelings! - but I was also really relieved when I looked at my watch on the way out the door and noticed I was leaving a full 15 minutes earlier than planned. And that is when I realized something that I had, embarrassingly, never actually thought about before:

This is my doctor's job.

I don't mean that in the sense that physicians should be doing something they aren't (the usual context in which "this is your job!" is used), but that my doctor probably looks at the patients on her schedule for the day the same way I look at the tasks on my daily plan at work. What can I get off my desk quickly? What needs input from other coworkers? Is this proposal ready to go out yet, or do we need to hold onto it for a while longer? How can I get the information I need to complete this project? And - how much longer is it going to take to wrap all of this up, so I can go home and start making dinner?

Obviously, patients aren't the same as 30-page documents that still need editing even though I've sent them back to the authors with the same questions like three times now. (Sorry, a bit frustrated, does it show?) Actual human beings are wayyyyyy more complex and dynamic; they can have nuanced and interlocking problems and are able to actually interact with their physicians in a way that I never get at my day job. But everyone has to come up with strategies to get through their workday. Sometimes, you just want to get the information you need in bullet points, put a big check mark next to that item on your to-do list, and move on. And as a patient, at least on this one occasion I felt the exact same way.

In the future, I'll try to do a better job keeping this in mind (although I must point out that I always come to appointments on time, with lists of questions and current medications, and I've never done the super-annoying-patient thing of printing out a stack of articles and wanting to go through them with the doctor. I'm not that high-maintenance, I promise.) But I will make more of an effort to separate "what needs to get done today?" from "what am I talking about just because it happens to be on my mind?" My OB is not going to escape a conversation with me about how pissed off I still am about my experience with IVF, and how I'll be damned if I'm going to feel equally marginalized during my labor and delivery experience. And if G-d forbid something else goes wrong, I will expect to be bumped up on her list of priorities accordingly. But not today. Hopefully. Fingers crossed. Today, I'm fine just having a check mark next to my name.