These Meds are Worth More than my Car

As we were walking into the hospital for my surgery, I caught a glimpse of a doctor in scrubs and a surgical cap through a window and I thought I was going to pass out. I said out loud to Harry, "This is the worst," and I almost turned around to go back to the car.

Yesterday, I picked up a Chinese-takeout-sized bag full of hormones, syringes, and antibiotics from the pharmacy. I had the same reaction when I laid it all out on the dining table at home. This is the worst the worst the worst the worst. These are the medications for a sick person, right? Look at how many of them there are! Look at all those needles!

Okay, Charlotte, let's calm down a little bit here. Take things one step at a time. What are these, and what will they do?

First up, the leuprolide acetate. Note that this is not brand-name Lupron, which I appreciate since my copay was significantly lower. This quiets down my ovaries to the extent that they tell my body I'm in menopause, so really, I see this one as an exciting little glimpse into the future. Side effects apparently include the following:

Leuprolide will cause an initial flare in testosterone or estrogen levels leading to bone pain, urinary problems including blood in the urine, and tingling in the feet and hands.
Common side effects: irregular menstruation, bone pain, sweating, dizziness, water retention, hot flashes, headache, nausea/vomiting, and pain at injection site.

Awesome. Next up, I think I can figure out what this one is:

Follistim will get my ovaries out of artificial menopause and into overdrive. Eggs? Did somebody say to make eggs? Hey everybody! It's egg-making time! I'm told this is the most expensive of my medications, so I'll try not to inadvertently confuse it with the cheese and butter it's sharing space with in the fridge. (I also probably shouldn't have accidentally dropped the pen and then kicked it partially across the room when I was trying to gather everything up at the pharmacy, but live and learn.) Side effects:

The most common adverse reactions (≥2%) in women undergoing controlled ovarian stimulation as part of an IVF or ICSI cycle are pelvic discomfort, headache, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, pelvic pain, nausea and fatigue.

So we have that to look forward to. Next is a single, unassuming little tube... Ovidrel! This one will make my hyperstimulated ovaries get ready to release all those eggs they just made - and it will be perfectly timed so my doctor can get in there 36 hours later with a scary-looking needle and grab them before they all head off for their various adventures. Ovidrel warns me:

The most common side effects in women using Ovidrel® include abdominal pain, injection site reactions, nausea and vomiting.

But after ovulation, the fun isn't over: for two weeks, and longer if I actually do get pregnant, I get to apply a "unique bio-adhesive gel" to my cervix, Crinone. Not going to lie, this is the only medication I am kind of curious about, because A. it probably won't hurt, and B. unique bio-adhesive gel? Sounds super space-age! Also, I understand that this replaces the progesterone in oil shots that other women have complained about, so I was pretty stoked to see it on my list of meds - even if it will be messy and gross. Side effect info:

The most common side effects of CRINONE (progesterone gel) 8% include breast enlargement, constipation, drowsiness, nausea, headache, and pain in the pubic area.

Let's not forget the various antibiotics I'll take for a few days at different points in this process, or the prenatal vitamins and baby aspirin I'll take throughout, or the additional meds I will have to start if I am knocked up. First, one thing at a time. Leuprolide acetate begins on Dec. 12th.